Improbable All The Way

Inertia sucks

I really need to create a page for Azrael, a (or the) cat of mine that needs surgery quite urgently, so I can use it for fundraising.  I already have a small collection of items I’ll put up hoping people will buy them (including a nice netbook, around $500+ in untouched Amazon & Safeway gift cards, an older iPod of some sort with a color screen, and an iPhone 3g).  Need to also fill out the forms for the formal charities…

Is she drunk on catnip, or just being…well…Azrael?We’ve switched her over to smooth paté canned food, because the chance of her choking on a piece of kibble is too great.  At this point, I’m increasingly afraid she’ll choke on the canned food or even water.

I took her to the surgeon this past week, and was told there’s a growth of some sort sitting next to her trachea, compressing it.  It has a few “tendrils” but the vet couldn’t tell how far they went.    There’s no way to do a biopsy to find out what the hell this thing is, and because of where it is, anesthesia is so risky that we’re going to have to take the disturbing approach of “put her under, do a CT scan, possibly remove the growth if feasible, try to wake her up and possibly put her in the oxygen cage to help.”  Evidently cats with compromised tracheas have a much greater risk of going into a permanent coma.

The idea of sending a vibrantly alive, loving Azrael back there knowing she might simply not wake up…if it wasn’t for the reality that the alternative may be watching her choke to death, there’s no way I could do that.

 

This is where being agnostic can be kind of useful.  I genuinely don’t know whether there are any sentient beings hanging around that we can’t perceive with our current senses, and the “don’t know either way” doesn’t keep me from instinctively reaching out mentally for help when powerless and fearful.  (Back when I was self-identifying as atheist, I couldn’t let myself as if felt too hypocritical.  Once I realized that an actual atheist wouldn’t have to remind themselves sternly about what to consider possible, I was well on the way to re-identifying myself.)   I can’t do a whole lot else to affect the situation directly.I’m worried (rightly, I’m sure) that even though she’s an unusual cat — sits up, does the “Neko Kitty” stance, paws at the air, boldly tries to be friends with cats/dogs she doesn’t recognize, reacted to my mother’s new puppy long ago by deciding to “adopt” it — people may see her age and write her off, even though my cats (including Az) look & act a fraction of their age.  I’ll have to create a good gallery of images & videos to show what she’s truly like.I suppose I’m blathering on about this as it helps get my mind in gear for writing her page, the charity requests and, well, just about anything other than discussion-forum comments.  Part of me is afraid that I’ll get really into the page, then lose her and have to deal with the reminder.  For now, I need to get some sleep.  Keep your fingers crossed for us.

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